I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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