peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
