WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
