so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
