we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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