I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
