Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
