I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
