Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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