the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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