can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
