Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
