How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
3pm strippers are depressing
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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