there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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