he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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