so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
