ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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