there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize