I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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