3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
