don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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