Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
