Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Farmville is her only friend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
