She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
