it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
