Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
