I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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