You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
