dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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