Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
