I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
