were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
