the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
