Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
