is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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