you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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