So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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