I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
