I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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