So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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