worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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