awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
