what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish you could order shots online.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
