i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
