Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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