I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We're like a lot better than the average bears
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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