so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize