I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
