so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
do herpes really smell.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
