There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
