you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
