so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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