This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
