there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
