Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My pussy is not your playground.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
