I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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