Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
