you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
