so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
