we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize