Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
