She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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