before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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