Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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