wakey wakey hands off snakey
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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