that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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