He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
