If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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